I Was Told There'd be No Math

I've mentioned my grasshopper nature already. As such, you can imagine that it's very important to me to find a bank that offers overdraft protection. I'm a complete loser when it comes to managing money. It's comforting to know that the bank is going to cover my butt when my phone bill automatically draws on the 20th but I can't make my deposit till the 22nd. Of course, the phone bill isn't a great example — but credit card bills are. A long time ago I did the math and it was just plain cheaper to pay the overdraft fee to my bank than it was to pay a late fee to the credit card company. Plus the bank doesn't report all my overdraft fees to the credit report people, but the credit card companies will report being late on payments. It seemed like a no-brainer; if those were my two choices, then I'd accept those overdraft fees with a smile.

That was my take on the issue for many years. Occasionally I get my act together and do really well for a while, but for the most part, I take healthy advantage of my bank's overdraft protection policy. However, my bank is out of control. This year they increased the per item fee by $10. That's rough enough, but just recently they've also started charging a per diem fee. So now, for every day that my account is overdrawn, I get charged an additional $5. And there is no grace period for saving my butt!

Well, this has resulted in a maddening sort of domino effect here recently that has me running to the bank on a nearly daily basis. By the time I have money to put in the bank, the bank has already charged me so much money that I can't keep my account in the black long enough to put more money in the account before the next bill is due! Consequently, I almost titled this post, "How the Bank Stole Christmas."

Now. I'm not really whining as much as you might think. I take full responsibility for my complete lack of responsibility. It's nobody's fault but my own that I have single-handedly paid the entire bank staff's holiday bonus this year.

However. I do think I deserve some kudos down at the bank. I am worth at least as much money to them over the year as someone who makes four times as much money as I do. Yet, I have received no Christmas card from them. No fruit basket. No tickets to any local events. No invitations to any bank events for their high-profit accounts.

Why do you think this is?

I was ranting about this with one of my more sympathetic clients last night and she said, "Well Maggie, you could always just stop overdrafting your account."

Mind you, this is my worst client when it comes to breaking nails. If I actually charged her for every broken nail she brings me, I'd be able to overdraft my account twice as often! Well, actually I supposed it would mean I'd never overdraft my account because I'd have so much more money! Which brings up a good point: The bank, and all my fiscally responsible "ant" readers, are sure to scoff and "tsk tsk" at me and tell me that the bank is not going to praise me for being financially inept. Just as I am not going to applaud my clients for breaking their nails. But the point is, it's still profit for the bank, just as repair charges are still money in my pocket — and sneering at profit is just stupid. So I stand by my theory that the bank owes me a fruit basket. And I don't give anyone too much grief for their broken nails!