Maggie Rants [and Raves]

Preparing to Meet the Six-Fingered Man: Stir-Crazy Delirium

by Maggie Franklin | November 7, 2012 | Bookmark +

Let me tell ya! This busted wrist crap is wreaking havoc with my sense of humor. I'm about over it already.

 

Unfortunately, bone fractures take somewhere between four to eight weeks to heal. I'm not even a week out of surgery. I have a whole 'nother week till I see the orthopedist again and get to start making unreasonable demands regarding returning to work earlier than is wise. Meanwhile, I have a lot of time on my hands.

 

So it started to occur to me that maybe I'm not as dedicated to my craft as I like to think. Ever seen “The Princess Bride”? When Inigo Montoya and Wesley (who's still just "the man in black" at that point) square off at the top of the Cliffs of Insanity in an epic sword fight? It's an awesome scene. It's an awesome movie. Go watch it, I'll wait... I have plenty of time.

 

OK. So they're locked in battle and Wesley is starting to get the better of Inigo, but Inigo is smiling and then he reveals that he is not left-handed! Later, when tables turn, Wesley will reveal that he is not left-handed either. Trust me, if you haven't seen the movie, I did not ruin it for you — just a little spoiler to whet your appetite. Really, it's a classic film.

 

Cinema class aside, I have really been wishing I was as dedicated to doing nails as Inigo Montoya was to fencing. You know how awesome it would be right about now to triumphantly return to work and blow everyone away with the announcement that I'm not really left-handed?

 

That would be a really cool announcement; but I'd love it if I was proficient with my non-dominant hand.

 

These are the things you get to think of when you're out of work with a busted hand. In between bouts of anxiety and depression from worrying about everything from whether my hand will heal well to whether I will need surgery again in another year to have the titanium plate removed. Will I get back to work before my clients forget me and wander off? When I go back, is it going to be like starting over again? Will the BF (who is chipping in to cover my @$$ financially because "savings" is something I'm always going to do next year) find out how many credit cards I really have and insist on letting me suffer the consequences I deserve?

 

When faced with tedious real-life concerns like these, it's no wonder I'd rather spend my time planning to perfect my skills with my opposite hand so when I need to do a manicure on a six-fingered man, I'll be ready.

 

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