I’d Like to Use One of My Sick Days, Please.

It started Friday. I woke up feeling a little dry and scratchy in the throat. I spent the day in denial, convincing myself that I must have slept with my mouth open — snoring or something. Yeah, that had to be it. After all, it’s allergy season here in Central Cali. It would make sense for me to start snoring.

But by the time my lunch break was over, I knew I was just kidding myself. I was not looking forward to returning to work to finish my day. I wanted to go home, put on my jammies, and crawl under the covers. Of course, that’s not really an option in this business, now is it?

So I went back to work and finished my day.

By the time I was home for good on Friday I was pretty miserable. So miserable, in fact, that the BF actually let me sleep in on Saturday. Not just “sleep in,” which, in the BF’s mind, means getting up AFTER the sunrise (must be that “opposites attract” thing I hear so much about), but he actually let me sleep until I got up all on my own. (Which was really close to noon.) He even went to the store and bought 7-Up and sherbet for me. I’ve been living on rainbow sherbet and 7-Up for the last two days.

This morning I was scheduled to start my day at the crack of dawn — according to Maggie’s personal clock, that is — at 10 a.m. So up I got and took a shower, got dressed, and made my way to the salon. I feel better, but not right, y’know? Wish I’d had just one more day off. Nevertheless, there I was, at the salon, waiting on my client, when I looked up at my clock and realized it had not been adjusted for daylight saving time yet, which I then proceeded to do. At which point it occurred to me that my first client of the day might not have yet adjusted HER clock to daylight saving time.

I considered calling her. Then I decided I was irritated instead. After all, I’ve been in a near coma all weekend and I still knew the time changed! And the time change happens on Saturday night (OK, technically it’s Sunday morning, but face it, we ALL think of it as Saturday night), which means we all have an entire day to realize the time changed! Our computers update automatically, most people’s phones do too, not to mention all your favorite TV programs remind you that something is different. So why should I be all patient and forgiving every six months when everyone seems to have suddenly gone stupid? Well, then again, I still may not be feeling all that well and feeling lousy has traditionally rendered my tolerance levels significantly diminished.

So I came home.

Where I have no Internet! OMG! Imagine the terror! Seriously. No matter what site I try to contact, I get a “server not found” error message. I called my service provider — have you ever tried to do this? UGH! What a way to make my day even better! Dang voice-activated system keeps asking me to tell it what I’m calling for. So I keep saying, “I have no Internet,” “My Internet is down,” and so on, but it doesn’t recognize what I’m saying. Of course, the system tries to be all friendly and sensitive and keeps saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that.” At which point I’m yelling at the disembodied voice that it can’t understand me because it’s a machine and machines are stupid and I want to talk to a person! Honestly, it’s no wonder machines are always wanting to kill off humans in all those science fiction movies with the way I end up talking to them in these situations.

Anyway ... eventually I learn that there’s been a power outage in Fresno — which is 45 miles away — which has wiped out my Internet for the better part of the day.

Now, I don’t have to go back to work until this evening, but I’m stuck at home with no Internet! What’s a girl to do?

I guess I can take a nap. Maybe I’ll feel better when I wake up. Hopefully my Internet will be back by then.