Please get off the phone before we begin your service.

It’s actually very difficult to do my job while you are holding your phone. Using your chin to hold the phone to your shoulder so that you can “give” me both hands is a disaster.

See, your phone is a thin slice of metal and glass, about as thick as an Oreo cookie and almost as difficult to pin to your ear using just you shoulder.

If your shoulder is locked up tight, so is the hand I need to maneuver.

Really. If it’s that important, it’s time to get a Bluetooth headset.

Also, it’s rude.

You keep telling me that one of the things you like about coming to me for your services is that you can talk to me.

You like that we have the same first language. You like that I don’t talk and/or text on my phone during your appointments. You like that I give a $*!@# about you; I know your children’s names. I know who you are married to and/or who you are dating. I know what pets you have. I know where you work.

You insist that you appreciate that I ask about how you’ve been, what’s new, what’s better, and what’s worse since the last time I saw you.

And then you come to your appointments and ignore me.

You ask me questions and then don’t listen to the answers. But if I write it all out on Facebook, you will know all about it.

Then you blather on about the decline of Western civilization and how people are losing their ability to interact face to face.

It’s fine by me if you don’t want to use our time together to visit. But I do need control of your hands. And if you don’t want to talk with me, could I please listen to my music instead of your phone conversation with someone else?