Naturally, OPI has introduced a movie tie-in for the ridiculously over-hyped “Fifty Shades of Grey” debut.

I was expecting it. I was waiting for it. I was salivating for it.

I.Really. Wanted. All. Those. Polishes. (Look at me. I can write like that too! Move over E L James!)

Seriously, gray happens to be the single color that I most want more shades of — in polish, specifically. I can’t count how many times I’ve gone to the polish rack in search of just the right shade of gray. So, on one such day, as I found myself standing in front of all my polishes — both gel and not — desperately searching for a tone that was lighter than kitten gray but tauper than beige, a light bulb went on over my head.

FINALLY! It was coming, I thought. Certainly my sunny days would be turning at least 50 shades of gray very soon! I ran back to the neglected stack of trade magazines that has been growing over the last four months while I’ve been too busy to read them and I grabbed a handy December issue of Nails. I began frantically flipping through it, excitedly trying to explain my actions to the bewildered client sitting patiently at my desk waiting for me to find the polish I was looking for.

Aha! Of course it was there! The ubiquitous OPI double-page ad for the special collection of polishes that would soon be available for the perfect movie debut mani.

Well, I wasn’t surprised that it only consists of six shades. That’s about par for the course with their special collections. But it’s not even six shades of gray. There’s a red, and what looks like a beige to me.

Really? Are Christian and I the only people on the planet who actually have a use for a full fifty shades?

Editor’s note: Don’t despair Maggie! Take a look at our “50 Shades of Grey…Polish” photo gallery for some more options.