While everyone else has been all giddy about the fact that they finally invented something that makes people value a natural-nail manicure that costs the same as an enhancement fill, those of us who are still making a living primarily doing fake nails were more excited about that whole “dry when you leave” aspect.

So I have invested in thousands of dollars of gel-polish. I couldn’t help it! I jumped on board the gel-polish bandwagon as soon as I could and bought about 66 bottles. Then I bought the next set of colors that came out, and the next... even though by that time, I was already having issues with that brand.

Then other brands started arriving on the market and I started picking up a few bottles here and a few bottles there, until now I have hundreds of bottles representing 11 different brands.

I was ready to embrace the polish revolution.

But it turns out — I don’t like it. It’s too thick and adds too much visual weight and glop over an acrylic nail. It’s too thin and needs three or four coats to get even color coverage. It doesn’t go over hard gel unless I remove the tacky layer before applying the polish — unless I use one of the other brands of gel-polish...or a different brand of hard gel. Not to mention the smack-down I risk from colleagues who consider putting gel-polish over a different brand of hard gel to be “mixing products,” which is just another subject altogether.

It sticks to acrylic if I buff the acrylic smooth, or if I use the gel base coat, or if I leave the acrylic rough, or if I don’t use the base coat, or if I use a protein bonder, or if I balance on one foot chanting while the polish cures.

Good old-fashioned acrylic craft paint doesn’t stick to it, or it does. Or rhinestones pop off of it, or they don’t, the entire thing peels off in one full sheet, or it chips off in little pieces, or it stays perfectly for weeks.

There’s no rhyme or reason to the stuff. What I do that worked perfectly last time doesn’t work the next time. What works on one client doesn’t work on another. It’s unpredictable and inconsistent and it gives me a headache.

I just want my regular, old-fashioned polish back and I’ll try this again when it’s had 50 years to work out the kinks.

What happened to ProFinish top coat?