Have you ever been working hard to write up a really classy service menu and come up with the brilliant idea to refer to any of your one-of-a-kind creations as “artisan” anythings?

I did once. I do a lot of sets of nails that are a step beyond Rockstar; multiple glitters, confetti, Mylar, rhinestones, 3-D artwork, hand-painted artwork — you name it. Some of these sets turn out really beautiful, some of them come out kinda gaudy. I don’t care. I’m eclectic. I enjoy the creative process and as long as my clients love them, I’m glad to do them.

So I wanted a term that would convey the over-the-top awesomeness and effort that goes into a set like this.

I believe I finally dubbed them “Artisan Sculptured Design” or something really cool like that.

Then I proceeded to endure a year of answering the question, “What are ‘artesian’ nails?”

Seriously. Our country is that illiterate. It was like a cheese grater against my ear drums.

I finally ripped up everything that had the word “artisan” on it and switched it out for something that didn’t require being smarter than a fifth-grader. I think I called them “Rockstar Design” for a long time before I went with “full couture” — which no one understands either.

I learned my lesson. But now I see the word “artisan” used in marketing everywhere. It’s at Panera Bread, it’s at Quizno’s, and the other night while the BF and I were sitting around the bar with his buddies at a relatively new, local pizzeria, I got to talking to the bartender because … guess what? The pizza place bills itself as an “artisan” pizza place.

Sure enough, the bartender started shaking his head and said they’re already planning on reprinting their menus because they’re sick of people asking what “artesian” pizza is.